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| Debbie
Edwards |
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Courtesy of
Danielle Eich Photography, Priest River |
One of the most effective pieces of advice I
have received over the years has been about the
perspective of change. I was told that if we
really want to change the world, we need to
start with things right here within our own
circle of influence.
With so many things happening across the
globe that affects humanity and nature on pretty
much every level, becoming involved in creating
change can be a bit overwhelming. Not to
mention, many people don't know where to start
so they just don't start at all. But, for each
person who can do just one little thing in their
immediate circle, it can have the most
incredible ripple effect and make change on a
huge global scale.
Let's be realistic.
Most people just want to live a good life
with a sense of security, good health, and
reassurance that the world isn't going to fall
apart.
And sometimes the best way we can experience
that is to shut out the dramas of the world. If
that means turning off the TV for a while,
separating from the negativity in our work
environment or just making a day of relaxation a
priority, we can make big changes with small
decisions.
It's the most unobvious things however, that
tend to wrap us up in tension, anxiety and ill
health. One of the biggest culprits is feeding
into personal family drama. We all know who we
are. We're the ones that answer the phone every
time the same person calls to complain about the
same thing they don't want to make the effort to
change.
Feeding into complaining has enough momentum
to completely unravel the best moments of each
and every day because it pulls us into the habit
of reminding ourselves of the negative
situations of the world. Whether it's a family
member who continues to go through financial
hardship, psychological abuse from a spouse, or
even ungrateful children who take advantage of
them, these situations can wreak havoc on the
relationships families have.
It teaches us to dishonor each other and not
take ownership of keeping the negative engine
going.
We forget sometimes that every time we
complain about this or that, we are contributing
to keeping it going. We are feeding into the
situation, almost as if we are relying on it to
keep going so that we have something further to
complain about so that we can prove a point that
our opinion on it is true.
We get into habits of expecting things to be
bad, for those phone calls to keep coming in,
and it's almost as if we become disappointed if
that phone stops ringing where we aren't updated
on the latest negative situation.
Loss and hardship is going to happen to every
family and some have more than their fair share.
But it's all in how we choose to neutralize
that negativity and curb the habit of feeding
into it.
For example, let's take a look at a thirty
year smoker who has decided to stop smoking.
Immediately, it's a buzz in the family and
people are making their expectations known as to
whether or not they believe it will be a
success.
Already, others are feeding energy into the
situation, and that can have a positive or
negative effect on how the smoker is able to
quit.
The more people who rally together and say,
"I know you can do it! You'll feel so much
healthier and I look forward to being part of
that healing process with you!" the more likely
the quitters are to succeed, even if they have
relapses. The more people criticize their
efforts by saying things like, "Yeah, well good
luck. You couldn't do it last time. You tend to
get really stressed out and take it out on me,"
the more likely the person is going to feel
discouraged and defeated.
Everything you say can affect another person
much like a doctor's advice, just in the same
way what others say to you has an effect on you.
Imagine being in a doctor's office and being
told you only have two months to live and the
given prognosis has little hope or encouragement
from the medical staff.
Would you be more likely to want to give up
or feel defeated, especially if someone you
trust has little faith in your recovery?
Now imagine walking into a doctor's office
and being told the same diagnosis but instead of
a poor prognosis, the doctor tells you that hope
is still there, and that new innovative
technologies are available. He or she tells you
that although things may appear dim, there are
choices and ways to extend the quality of life.
People tend to say "yes" to other's
suggestions and advice, especially if they trust
the person. If a family member or friend is not
so encouraging, we tend to follow suit. But we
don't have to!
Attitude and perspective can change the world
for the better or worse and it starts with one
person at a time. So the next time we get that
phone call from a relative who wants to
complain, instead of going along with it and
feeding into it, let's instead ask how they are
going to choose to change their situation?
Ask them what ideas they have to stop the
cycle of victimization and reset the boundaries
of personal space, health and happiness.
Each situation we encounter gives us an
opportunity to become better diplomats at saying
what we need to say without causing a rift, and
as well, it helps us curb the habit of wanting
to complain about something ourselves. What we
feed grows.
We can either contribute to positive change
or not.
Because, after all, we are very much a part
of assisting others in creating a more positive
life for not only them but for ourselves. And as
the world around us becomes more peaceful and
positive, so does the world around them.
Every ripple starts out as a small drop of
water.
And if we imagine that each statement,
thought or intention is a drop of water that
will ripple out and affect everyone outside
ourselves, we will begin to see just how much
what we say and do can change everything.
Just one little thing can make all the
difference for a better tomorrow.
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