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Musings from Moyieboy ... |
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Those Ringtone Blues |
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March 20, 2017 |
By Ken Carpenter
I had my son put a new ringtone on my cell for
me last year. Yes, my inherited Droid Maxx
confuses the droppings out of me. Anyway, the
sound coming forth from my smug phone now is the
cawing of a crow.
I chose this because I like crows and ravens,
and they both seem to follow me around. The
sequence goes Caw Caw, Caw Caw, Caw Caw Caw. It
sounds very real and could, perhaps, be
interpreted as a lonely, lust crazed male trying
to dial up any receptive females in the
vicinity.
He might be saying, “Look at me ladies! Ain’t I
a sight to behold?”
The little crow speech accompanying me has
spawned some interesting responses, mainly from
me.
I have occasionally either confused the cawing
for my phone or my phone for a crow. These
occasions have made me look quite the fool in a
couple of parking lots. Either I’m looking
around for an invisible crow or giving my phone
a slackjawed stare.
I was in the supermarket one day at the checkout
stand when it cut loose and the first thing the
young man behind the counter did was jerk his
head up and look at the ceiling. I managed not
to snort, just emitting a short chuckle that
would later burst forth loudly in the parking
lot.
His response did make me wonder if any crows had
been in the store lately. Perhaps they caught
one peering from the steel beams in the ceiling,
greedily smacking his beak as he waited
patiently for the meat below to rot.
Another time it went off in a thrift store and a
startled employee came rushing out of a back
room, mouth agape. I lifted the phone up so she
could see it and we both smiled with amusement.
I do think I’ll hang on to this ringtone, for it
tends to liven things up intermittently.
A Mr. T ringtone is still very popular,
bombastically bullying the pitiful fool into
picking up ‘yo’ phone. Hard to believe that Mr.
T is still so popular, I thought maybe he was a
bouncer in a bar somewhere. He still might be,
and the only bouncer in America with his own
personal ringtone.
Super Mario is also in demand, another big
surprise. Retro must be one of the ruling
parties of tones now. I don’t think Mario
deserves it, because playing his game turned me
into a big boob who was into nothing more than
being a laugh track instigator for my two young
sons.
Ponder for a moment the possibilities of a
ringtone.
You could really stir up any crowd if it
shouted, “Get your hands up and give me all your
dough, suckers!”
You may come close to getting shot once in a
while, but look at all the boredom you could
kill.
Fart noises could also raise eyebrows and flare
nostrils. They are extremely popular as
ringtones, with literally hundreds of different
butt cannons available. I’ve heard quite a few
real ones in my day, but I can’t really say that
there was that much diversity in them.
Maybe I’m not worldly enough enough to
categorize that many.
Just think if a guy had to name them all. Most
people have found names for different breeds of
toots, like Sneaky, Pipsqueak, Buster or
Trombone. I would really hate to see them broken
down to the point where you had to resort to
calling them Jasper, Sid or Mabel.
Anyway, that’s enough about gassy electronics.
I’m sure there are worse ringtones out there,
though maybe not a whole lot that cause people
to look around frantically to make sure they
aren’t in the smell zone.
Personally I’d take a toot tone over a Barry
Manilow tone or a Justin Bieber tone any day of
the week. I’m sure that if my cell got frozen on
one of those I would put a bullet through its
head.
Then again, who cares what somebody thinks who
walks around with a horny crow in his pocket. |
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