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Musings from Moyieboy ... |
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Laws to make you proud, if you happen to
be a nitwit |
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September 25, 2017 |
By Ken Carpenter
People throughout history have relied on their
political leaders to create and implement laws
to protect them. Many of these laws are
sensible, and you do not have to be a genius to
figure out why it became a law and how it was
deemed necessary to enforce it.
However, humans being humans, those in a
position of authority are not always concerned
with a law making sense. Sometimes they make
them for reasons unknown, but they are often
more concerned with creating a law that serves a
purpose that will benefit them personally in
some manner.
Say, for instance, a legislator from Arkansas
with a penchant for beating his spouse decides
that state law should allow him to do so on a
monthly basis. Would that be too much to ask?
Apparently not, for that very law either is or
has been on the books in the state of Arkansas.
Before I go any further I need to voice a
disclaimer to do with the various unbelievable
laws I am about to divulge. They are all claimed
to be either a past or present state law in
America. I have no interest in researching their
history, and will only do so if I decide to
travel to another state to engage in some
off-the-wall activity like whale hunting in
Oklahoma.
Thanks to my research I know that whale hunting
is strictly forbidden in Oklahoma, a state
renowned for its lack of water, especially of
the salty, whale-producing kind.
Should I go to that state, it might also be
handy to know that you can be fined or jailed
for making “ugly faces” at dogs. I don’t know if
there is a penalty for looking at a dog if you
are ugly without making a face.
I don’t mean to pick on Oklahoma, but I think
there is a distinct possibility The Three
Stooges had a hand in establishing some of their
laws.
In another canine variety stipulation, dogs must
have a permit from the mayor in order to
congregate in groups of three or more on private
property. It is also illegal to get a fish drunk
in Oklahoma, and I am sure the populace sleeps
easier knowing they will not be accosted by any
pickled pike.
If The Three Stooges did go through a traveling
lawmakers phase, they did not restrict their
attention to Oklahoma.
If you happen to travel with a monkey who has an
addiction to nicotine, do not take him through
South Bend, Indiana. They can’t smoke there. I
don’t know why ape puffing was such a problem
that they had to make a law to forbid it.
In Massachusetts it is illegal to wear a goatee
without a license. You know how deadly they can
be. In North Andover they have a law that
prohibits their citizens from carrying “space
guns,” which must be at least as big of a threat
as a goatee.
In Boston it is illegal to add ketchup to baked
beans. They also say that you can’t take a bath
unless a physician has ordered you to.
No wonder the Red Sox were cursed for umpteen
years.
Mourners at a wake in Massachusetts can’t eat
more than three sandwiches; it’s the law.
Snoring is also prohibited unless all bedroom
windows are closed and securely locked. If you
know a snoring, heavy eating, goatee wearing,
space gun wielding, ketchup-loving fellow, tell
him to stay away from Massachusetts.
Michigan has a state law that stipulates that a
woman’s hair legally belongs to her husband.
Divorce court must be an interesting place in
those parts. I wonder if they have a barber set
up in the corner.
Michigan also has dentists officially classified
as “mechanics,” but I don’t know if it is called
detailing when you get your teeth cleaned.
Well, I could go on for days, but I better save
some material for another time and I am running
out of space.
The thing about all the strange state laws that
kills me is that every single one was instigated
by some person who had been irritated or
otherwise put out by a situation that convinced
him a new statute was needed to control it.
I guess I can understand it.
You know how troublesome a smoking ape or a
drunken fish can be. |
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